Strategies & Tips

Tantrums, aggression and other behaviors can be curbed through the use of active listening. Active listening in and of itself can de-escalate an otherwise explosive situation. Active listening lets the person know you recognize their feelings as legitimate and that you understand them. There are five simple steps to active listening:

• Listen carefully to the feelings communicated.
• Decode what you hear.
• Restate the decoded feeling.
• Empathize with the person or their predicament.
• Confirm your understanding.

Example:

Child: When can we go? I’m so tired of waiting! (Decode: impatient)
You: You’re getting upset with having to wait aren’t you? (Empathy statement)
You: I get impatient too sometimes. You know what helps, doing something as you’re waiting. Let’s try….

Patience Training

Teaching Strategies — Patience explain to the person that you will be working with them to improve their patience skills. Define patience for them (e.g., the ability to wait for something without getting mad or getting too antsy). Review the steps below with them.

• Model patience. All persons will frequently learn responses from family members or staff, so be aware of the words and body language you use when you have to wait for something. Instead of acting anxious when you're stuck in traffic, put in a relaxing CD, for example or play a word game with those in the car/van.
• Use active listening. Many people don't have words to express what they're feeling, but you can help verbalize those emotions. In the checkout line, you might say, "I know it's hard to wait. This is taking a long time, but you're doing a great job waiting." If you acknowledge the struggle, the person will naturally try harder.
• Help develop strategies for waiting. When you must wait, help the person figure out what they can do to pass the time. Say, "What can we do while we're waiting?”
• Obtain a Time-Timer – set/use for delays. This may be used not only to the benefit of the person, but others as well. Keep in a common location for convenient access and viewing (by those asked to be patient).
• Use the timer when the person is asked to wait. Use it frequently, for just about any delay or wait for the first 30 days; then with increasing intermittency. Set the time and state:
  
  When the red is gone, we will…
• Praise the person during delays or waits for being so patient and remind them of the ever-decreasing time they have to wait:
  
  You’re getting really good patience skills, the red shows just two minutes to go!
• Training. Provide formal training for the person weekly (each activity on different days) for a period of 8 weeks, then one to two times per month as needed. Also use one of the activities following impatience-related outbursts or other behaviors (once de-escalated).
• Spontaneous Training. Following two weeks of formal patience training activities, explain to the person that at different times, when they ask you something, you will offer them the opportunity to practice patience skills. When the person asks for something, offer them the opportunity for a "patience practice.” Say:
  
  How about a (30 second) patience practice?
  
  If they agree, wait 15-30 seconds (or other agreed upon time), then reply to them immediately. Say something like:
  
  Good job waiting!
• Play the "Waiting Game" during times that typically try their patience. Ask them to come up with a bodily position or thing for you to do for a set amount of time (e.g., stand on one foot for 10 seconds). Then if you are successful, you get to ask them to perform a "stunt” for a given amount of time.